Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Life is so much better after having sex.
He passed out mid-signature
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
