I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize