Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
