the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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