Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
