I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
