No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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