That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Boobs speak an international language.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
