someone threw a dead crab at me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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