I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There r osticjed everywhere
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
