haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
