Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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