That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
