is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
