Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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