She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
