I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
