I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
