one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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