I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
