When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
