I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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