watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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