I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
