You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
