Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
