'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
