Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just high enough for therapy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
