I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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