I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
