Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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