On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
