At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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