We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
accomplished twins. life is a go
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
