i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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