I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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