u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you still have your period?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
