i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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