Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
