he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
