I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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