Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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