I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
