i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
