I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
