Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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