M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
