I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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