This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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