That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she peed on how many people?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
