Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
