I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
