So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
