even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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