please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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