I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
