all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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