my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
