Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
