You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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