Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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