I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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