So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
