ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
