walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
