More tranny stories later!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
