FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
