Are we in a gay sports bar?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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