hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
