Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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