I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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