eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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