they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
