If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
