i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
