Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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