Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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