wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
