I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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