i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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