I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
