He uses pillows to masturbate.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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